she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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