I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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