i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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