i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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