i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
