I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
