I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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