you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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