I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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