i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
