I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
