So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this just has baby written all over it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
