My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
