Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
