I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
