I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
