just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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