a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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