have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
