well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
