Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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