So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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