Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
