yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
