Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
