I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
