I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
