She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
