Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
