Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
