I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
