my vag is so smooth its legendary
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
