her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
