i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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