What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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