My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
