im drinking this country out of the recession.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
