Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
