I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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