oh god the rape fog is back!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do herpes really smell.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
