I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
