Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
