So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
