So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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