i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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