so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
