worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
