Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
