erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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