Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
