I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
