Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
