i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
