i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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