the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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