After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
