I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
