Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
