Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
