It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
