its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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