dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And then my night got REAL pukey
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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