you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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