Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
