I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
