I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
