He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
