she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
