Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
