The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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