It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
