I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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