im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
