I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
