omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
