i think i have two assholes
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
