Screwed.edu
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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