i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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