Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
