According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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