1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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